The Story of Master Bob

Editor's Note:  So often in the scrapbooking world, scrappers are inclined to show the 'hearts and flowers' part of life even when the back story isn't really that way. NSA member Sandi shares with us a very personal story about her father and how scrapbooking about him helped her and her mother in their own coping process.

    

            

 

My father was a nut job ' plain and simple. He was irrationally angry, occasionally violent, and frequently scary. He had a tendency toward obsessive behavior and wild mood swings. He also liked ladies' clothing, such as jeans from Fashion Bug Plus, and ladies' shoes, preferably sneakers. The Reebok Princess, an 80's fashion icon, was a favorite of his, and he owned pairs in every color of the rainbow.

I wish I could say I was exaggerating about the previous paragraph, but I'm not. I lived the nightmare of having a parent who was verbally abusive, unstable, and just plain screwed up. You won't find much in the way of lovey-dovey father-daughter moments in my scrapbooks. You won't find much of my dad at all, and it's not just because he passed away from cancer in 1995, a few months before I turned 23, met the man who would become my husband, and really got started on my career. How do you document the unpleasant' Why would you want to'

I didn't.

For many years after I began scrapbooking, I didn't deal with photos of my dad beyond the factual details of the event. I didn't lie, either. There was no point in placing a 'Daddy's Girl' embellishment on my page because I really wasn't. I don't really miss him, and neither does my mom. Our lives are better.

Of course, none of these factors make the truth go away. The truth is that he, aka 'Master Bob,' shaped my life, as all parents do. My children deserve to know their grandfather, once they are old enough to understand some things. My father's story is a piece of our family history that should not be swept away. My children need to know what my life (and his) was like, how that shaped me, and how to treat people so as to avoid the mistakes of the past. They need to see that you can get past the crummy parts of life. There are lessons to be learned from the album my mother and I ended up making about my father's life with us.

Once my mom and I embarked on this scrapbook project, we started brainstorming topics that we wanted to document. Some of the things we included were my father's bizarre fashion obsessions, his authoritarian way of treating people, and his refusal to acknowledge that it was his offensive personality that cost him any number of career opportunities. After finishing the first portion of the book, I posted the pages online and waited to see how people reacted. 

People got it.  Sure, there must have been some folks who looked at it and were embarrassed for me, or scandalized that I would post such a thing, but all of the feedback that I got online was positive. They understood that I tackled a subject that some would consider 'unscrapable' in a candid, often humorous, and totally honest manner. They remarked that it must have been 'therapeutic' for my mom and I to complete this project. I think it was ' especially for my mom. For me, I'm past embarrassment, disgust, and sadness. I own that portion of my history, and I do so proudly because I came out of it a good person despite circumstances that would have sent many down another path.
Scrapbooking isn't just about the precious photos of children, weddings, and birthday parties. It's about documenting our lives and the little things that shape us. If there's a big elephant in living room, you can't ignore it without losing the essence of the experience. It's okay to tell it like it was. In fact, it feels good. The journaling my mom and I wrote for the album flowed like few things I have ever written before.

I do not worry about my children (or anyone else who may someday see this particular album) judging me by what happened with my dad. I wouldn't have said this about my story ten years ago, but now it's different. I'm a parent. I want my posterity to know the good and the bad. I want them to know my story. I'm going to give them something that no one else can: history.

I can't go back and ask my dad why he was the way he was, but I can send my part of the story forward.

Comments

[jennylilac]

I saw the entire album posted online and read every line of the journaling. I was amazed how honest Sandi and her mom could be, and the whole thing really moved me. This is an album I will never forget.

[TINA EISENHART]

I am a online friend of your Mom's and also met her in person 3 times now in PENNSYLVANIA when she comes to visit, in July she brought the album along and I seen it in the FLESH, Sandi , it was a good undertaking indeed a healing for your Mom , I believe as everybody says to her WHY did you put up with that! She in person is able to smile and tell WHY.............
I am so so happy she is having a HAPPY and GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE NOW!
It is like a JOAN CRAWFORD STYLE that he was of, family secrets and well you can pass it to your family and GOod your ok about it mentally!

Good job!
I had a very mentally abusive father and to my mother well, she told me all as an adult the things he would do and say, Unfortunatly She died in 1998, I still have my father and though he has mellowed out and all at 83 yrs old now, I still remember how he treated my mother and NOW he has HER ON A THRONE Like she was a QUEEN, yes he lost out on a beautifull woman when she died, BUT he never appreciated what he had til she did die.

Hugs Tina in PA