Here's a contribution from NSA member Kellie who shares how she found scrapbooking. You can also learn more about Kellie from her blog:
Well here I
am. Ever since I was a child I was very observant, sensitive, trying to get a
grip on what life brought to me. I was a shy little girl, didn’t think too much
of myself. I felt it was better for me to be seen and not heard. I held back a
lot.
High school
wasn’t much better either. I felt odd, left out, that I didn’t have much to
offer to anyone. I didn’t talk much, I just sat and drank in everything around
me. Wondering what was wrong with me, how could I get more friends. I was a
late bloomer, just like my father was at that age. I was immature still, going
thru the motions. I did write short stories, mostly about romance, long
stories, I did was I was younger too. I was so good at it, I could write for
really long stories, and go way into details, etc.
I made a
conscious decision after I graduated that when I decided to go to college I was
going to come out of the box I had been held in for so many years. No one knew
me at the college, this was my chance to break down the wall so to speak. To be
“who” I really was. To not feel as if I had to impress anyone.
Out I
came…I actually surprised myself a lot. I was social, my creativity was
developing even more. I was experiencing things I had never before. Wow it was
amazing! I was on cloud nine! I had friends, I was on my own, I was making my
own decisions. I had my own beliefs. It was amazing!
I came home
and things went downhill a little. I was still a new person so to speak. I
always had trouble with rejections etc, I took things too much to heart. I wore
it on my sleeve so to speak. I remember an incident that hurt me terribly that
I finally said, enough, I’m done…and there I even changed more.
I learned
over the years that it was okay to express how I felt, it wasn’t easy let me
tell you… I was nervous when I felt I had hurt someone’s feelings. I
persevered, and continued on my road. It hasn’t been easy my any means. Getting
married, moving overseas, being on medications I detest, etc. I have wanted to
throw the towel in so many times, but it’s not in me. I had lied to myself
about “no it’s not like that”, but I have had to face life straight on…it hurts
like hell sometimes. But it’s the best I can do for myself.
When I
started to scrapbook I was so nervous. I would sit there working on a layout
that seemed like days, working on something. Everything had to be perfect, or I
wouldn’t have anything to do with it.
I went to S. Korea and taught English, which opened a
whole new adventure. My eyes were opened, I witnessed so much. I met people who
changed my life, they made me look at myself more closely. To try to figure out
what I really wanted. To look closely at what I really felt about things. To
not let me just give up at things. It wasn’t that easy.
I met a number
of women on scrapbooking message boards who encouraged me to push the envelope further - the
names are countless! I was nervous…but I took the plunge. I started to
incorporate my poetry into my layouts. To say okay this is me, no facades. I
remember working on my first real raw layout entitled, “Paralyzing Fear”. That
took so much out of me emotionally. But I did it. I wrote exactly what I felt…I
was out there. I couldn’t hide…I came too far now to go back.
I have kept
at it, I love learning new techniques. I keep writing poetry and sharing with
my layouts. It’s not as easy as it sounds mind you, but it has taken me farther
down this path in life. I always believed my venture in life was to help
others, this is not about me, but in the process I have learned so much about
myself. And also have learned that yes Kellie does deserve to be treated in a
certain way. That I am important. It still is sinking in. The stinkin’ thinking
that I had is still there, the "emotional rollercoaster", of life,
but I will pursue….
The more I
push myself, the more I change. Life is a process, yes it has its good times,
and I love to document those in my art, but I also love to capture what’s
really on my mind. I admit I get stressed working on my layouts, I do. But in
the end I am being honest, and I know I am connecting with others. It’s awesome
getting feedback from others that are going thru the same things as myself. I
am like wow, so glad I shared. It’s okay…
I wouldn’t
be who I am without the people who are in my life. They push me to be Kellie, I
lost her for awhile, but she is coming back. I am discovering who she is. I am
doing challenges, not just my own on "Beyond Appearances", but others
to realize exactly who this girl is.
I think
it’s going to be a life process, everyday figuring out what I am about. It’s a
journey, and I am ready for it. I can accomplish anything that I put my mind
to…and with God’s help.
this is an excellent article Kellie. very heart felt and honest.
g
Posted by: gloriafroese | October 19, 2006 at 10:12 AM